One of my major life goals is to never stop learning. I want to continually seek out new experiences and learn to do new things. I want to be joyful and to give joy and to show/teach things to others. I want to make people see things in new ways.
This is not to say that I want everything to always be changing-- that I don't value deep, close, lasting relationships. Because I do. To me, these deep relationships are not only good, but necessary. But seeking them cannot be a goal in itself. It is a byproduct of working toward your goals; you get close to those who help you along the way. But relationships themselves cannot be goals because simply wanting a relationship is not reason enough to form one. That will not serve as a foundation. True bonds need deeper roots. This is why picking someone up at a bar or meeting someone online just doesn't work for me. Shared experience = relationship. One does not exist without the other. Not truly.
You can't get together with someone based on the fact that you both want a relationship and you've analyzed each other's profiles and projected selves and determined them to be a suitable match. No, meeting someone shouldn't be a primary goal. Living life fully should be, by your terms and by God's-- and along the way you meet people. Sometimes you like them. Sometimes you don't. But you should feel something for a person before deciding to get together. Something for the person, not for who they might be or who you can make them into or what they can do for you. You don't form a relationship because it seems like a good option, or a smart option, or a fun option, or a beneficial option, or a kind option, or an interesting option. You form one when it is the option. When to do anything else would mean being untrue-- would mean torture.
If your relationship starts in this way, then you know it is something of value and you can engage in it wholeheartedly. You will gain more from it and give more to it: more joy, more meaning, more freedom. Less insecurity, less indecision. You won't waste time worrying whether the other person really likes you or not, or worrying what your friends and family will think of him or her, or worrying whether he or she might be cheating on you. You in all likelihood won't even think of these things as possible problems. And even if they were, it wouldn't matter much to you anyway. Because you know what you want and you're doing everything in your power to get it. No holding back. There is a freedom from worry when you aren't holding back, when you know you're doing your absolute best to be exactly the kind of person you want to be. And if, heaven forbid, it doesn't end up working out, you will have no regrets. Because you'll know you did it right. And if it does end up working out, well then- ain't that something? You'll have a true soulmate whom you care about, whom you know you can trust, who shares values with you, and who frees you from worry.
And you might say, "What if there isn't anyone in my life that I feel this strong compulsion toward? Am I supposed to just be alone forever?" I would say get more people in your life. Never stop going out there and engaging the world. Meet people, and not in the dating sense-- just get to know those you interract with. Strike up conversations with strangers. Join a social organization. Volunteer somewhere. There are plenty of ways to meet people without any awkward romantic pretense. So what if you don't find someone you want to date right away? You'll still make friends. And every time you make a friend you open yourself to the potential of a sea of new meetings in all that friend's friends. There's one thing in this world you can never have too much of, and that is personal connections.
Make friends everywhere; few bad things come of friendship. But don't rush to be involved romantically simply because you desire companionship. You need to desire the person more than you desire the idea. There are good people everywhere, but not everyone will be wholly good for you. Know what you want, and pursue it. That is an active decision you can make. But who you want is trickier. You can't really know that until you know them. So be patient, friends.
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